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Post by hannasato on May 16, 2021 4:05:29 GMT
Weekend Journal #5:
I’ve been told my whole life that I have one of the worst resting bitch faces anyone has seen. My whole life I have also been told that people are initially intimidated by me and afraid to approach me, only to find out I do in fact know how to crack a smile and laugh. I do in fact have an RBF, a quite egregious one I might add, but it is representative of who I am as an individual, someone who guards their emotions at all costs and is selective in who they choose to bring their guard down with.
Even before I had ever truly experienced real heartbreak and hurt, I maintained a cold exterior that few could get past. As time went on, it only worsened. I have found that I am a trusting person, but once that trust is broken it will take a lot of time and effort before I can even remotely trust that individual again on the same level. Every time my trust has been broken, it makes it that much harder for me to trust others, not just that individual. Hurt builds upon hurt, constructing a wall that becomes increasingly harder to rip down, manifesting itself in my RBF.
Also, from a young age my mother hammered the idea of always presenting a strong front into me. Culturally, Asian people do not really address mental health issues and instead brush them under the rug. My parents were not as emotionally shut off as other Asian parents I have seen, but nonetheless, I believed and continue to believe that I need to be able to push aside everything I might be feeling to provide a strong and impenetrable exterior.
I feel my RBF is also representative of who I am because of what friendship means for me. I value my friends more than pretty much anything and I personally have never seen the appeal in having a large group of friends. I have always been happiest with having a few close friends who I can trust wholeheartedly. In that sense, my RBF protects me from having a large amount of surface-level friendships, and instead the people I call my close friends are people who chose to make an effort to peel away the RBF and figure out who I am underneath.
Above all, my RBF protects me. It saves me from potentially being hurt and showing weakness, it protects me from people who do not care about me like a true friend does, and it allows me to feel strong even if I am falling apart underneath the surface. Even though I do know this probably impedes my ability to properly process my emotion and makes me appear disinterested and unapproachable, it is a part of me. I don’t know if it always will be, or if it should, but for now, I feel my RBF is intrinsic to who I am and my desire to always show, regardless of how I may feel, that I am stronger than I believe I am.
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Post by kylienakamoto on May 16, 2021 18:27:52 GMT
Weekend Journal #5
Kylie Nakamoto was born 5 weeks early on October 30, 2002. Living in a suburb near Sacramento throughout her entire life, she lived a very stable and happy life. Her family has always been the most supportive. Her mom, an immigrant from Vietnam, grew up with relatively nothing. Her mother knew what it was like to live under the stereotypical Asian “tiger parent” household, and did not want to put her kids through the same thing. Therefore, Kylie was very lucky to live a pretty free life, with no pressure from her parents to do well in school or not to go out often. The pressure came from herself and her own expectations that she needed to succeed. She did grow up a little disconnected from her culture. She regrets not learning how to speak Vietnamese from her mother and not being more proud of her Asian roots. Although she celebrated traditional events and ate traditional Asian food, deep down she knew that she was very Americanized. This isn’t so much a bad thing, but she remembers the internalized idea that being “white” was more beautiful. Growing up, she watched a lot of Disney channel, and it was weird not seeing anyone who looked like her. At the time, she didn’t think much of it, but looking back it definitely psychologically affected how she viewed herself compared to America’s beauty standard. I wish I could tell her now to love herself for who she was.
One thing Kylie had a hard time with in elementary school was making friends. She was always very shy and it scared her to talk to other people. She feared getting rejected. She felt like she was always looking for people’s approval. However, by 4th grade she was able to meet a few amazing people who would be her friend for years to come. Her social anxiety came back in middle school, where she started to feel extremely excluded by her then friend group. However, by the end of middle school and beginning of high school, she was able to find a great group of girls who are still her best friends today!
Kylie was always very school-focused, putting all her energy toward school and other extracurriculars. Throughout high school, although she did hang out with her friends frequently, she never did a lot of other fun things typical of high school students and never had a romantic relationship. She always remained stressed about the future and a lot of the time failed to enjoy the present. On the surface it all worked out as she was able to get into her dream school, which she was super proud of since no one else from her graduating class came to UCLA. However, she did have some regret over missed high school experiences.
One thing that really helped Kylie break out of her shell was joining her school’s Mock Trial team at the end of her freshman year. Through her coach’s stern but kindhearted behavior, she was able to build confidence and find her voice. Kylie has a big heart and wants to give back to her community. She loves working with kids and enjoys being responsible and relied upon. Although sometimes she relies too much on other people’s opinions and approval which can affect her self-confidence, she is working on being more confident in herself.
Kylie definitely gives off side character energy: the small, bubbly best friend who is always there for you. Maybe like Flounder from the Little Mermaid. And that’s okay! Side characters are important too! This is probably because she does not have a lot of conflicts/struggles so her life has no movie plot. Kylie is very lucky and thankful not to have had any huge struggles, and to be surrounded by the best people. Her supportive family and friends make life so much better. She feels like the current point in her life is the happiest she’s ever been, even though she’s always been very content with her life. Moving to LA was the best decision, as she was able to meet so many great people and make so many fun memories. She now has a loving and supportive boyfriend which is something she never thought she would’ve had, as there were many times where she felt unattractive, inexperienced, and unlovable. However, her boyfriend is also her best friend and truly shows her what it is like to be loved and cared for.
Although she doesn’t have her life figured out yet, she knows that everything will be okay and all she can do is work hard and put her best foot forward. She acknowledges that she still has a lot to learn and explore in the world around her, and wants to live more in the moment. Getting into UCLA was just the start, and she aims to live life to the fullest and make as many fun memories as she can while she’s in college! Kylie is proud of who she is today, but also acknowledges that her story is just beginning.The rest is still unwritten :-)
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Post by alexisp on May 16, 2021 20:40:54 GMT
Weekend Journal 5 5/16
A short mexican from the valley best sums Alexis but also is the worst detailed sentence about his life. Growing up with very young parents presented challenges for his family from the get go such as long work hours for his mother and father. When he was born, the doctor suggested he learn English first rather than Spanish because it will be easier for him to learn due to speech problems that seemed inevitable. Learning English first obviously made school easier but what resulted was a little kid who couldn’t communicate properly with any of his family. He was always the outsider that never knew enough spanish to communicate with any of his immigrant family except for the very very few that knew some english. Because he always seemed alone, he mostly kept to himself throughout most of his life. He was only close to the people that understood english such as his siblings and cousins but even then the lack of understanding his “native” language always kept him as the outsider.
Time flies by and tension in his house increases more everyday between his parents. This guy has worked in factories late at night, gone days without sleeping, and grew to have panic attacks during community college but nothing...absolutely nothing, stressed him out more in his entire life than when his parents would argue continuously and shout like animals. The split was one of his biggest breaths of fresh air in his life because it meant no more constant arguing but the cost was that he felt even more like an outsider because he thought that he will never have a real family ever again and his dreams of family camping were over. He carried this feeling throughout middle school and high school. It broke his heart to always see his mother struggling to not only pay the bills but care for 3 kids. Luckily he always lended a hand in caring for everyone but sometimes it just wasn’t enough. So many struggling nights for him and his family. Due to this struggle, he was always kept to himself, always being a lone wolf, and never socializing with the world around him. He resented so many people in high school out of jealousy that they were accepted and he wasn’t or that most never had to endure what he did. He never really wanted to try his hardest in high school and when he did it was always wasted efforts. However, life has a funny way of making you humble.
The struggle him and his family endured inspired him to be relentless in his pursuit for a better education. He witnessed his mother go from field worker who put herself through barber school, to recently a certified businesswoman and heard stories of people rising from nothing so what was Alexis’ excuse to not also rise to the top. Socializing with the world made him appreciate his world as he heard so many different stories of struggle from everywhere he went.
One thing he always had throughout his life is empathy. It is the reason he always is willing to listen to people and it is why he grew to be libertarian almost entirely on his own. It has its costs and benefits as he prefers to be sincere more than anything but sometimes people prefer the lie over one’s sincerity. It is also why he recognizes the value in his family. He knows that he wouldn’t have the success that he has or the person that he is without his family. They mean everything to him which is why he knows the goodbye will be one of the most painful things he will go through. His family is not only his rock but it is his source of strength, his constant inspiration and his biggest role models from his parents to his siblings. He is not one to trust because it has always been taken for granted but the moment his trust is earned is when he will never back down from being a good loyal friend.
He is afraid of commitment and love due to his history of mistrust so for him to put himself out there and actually date someone has to take a lot from him and has to be someone special which he found. For a guy to give up a life of wilding, fear and privacy, someone very very special had to be able to tear down those walls and help him find himself.
He currently still learns more about himself but one thing for sure, he is excited for the future holds. He feels more connected to his family now that he finally knows spanish, he appreciates his siblings and the family he has, his love keeps growing more and more, he is marking down stuff on his bucket list and he is ready to start a new chapter in his life in LA.
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Post by emmyshaw on May 17, 2021 5:07:15 GMT
Weekend Journal #5
Emmy was born in London to a Brit and an American. She was later joined by a rambunctious brother, affectionately called JP. Emmy and JP grew up outside of London, in a small town, and had a pretty "normal" life. Emmy was a pretty weird kid (and still low-key is) but I guess who isn't at the ripe age of 8. Kids at this age fall into 2 categories: bully or bullied. Unfortunately, Emmy was later as suffered chronic sensitivity (she could have quite possibly cried at the sight of a leaf falling from a tree) but it was ok because she began to make truer (and more patient) friendships upon entering high school. Emmy attended a high school closer to London and was able to have an entirely fresh start with an entirely new group of people... kids were still mean but she was able to make 2 of her closest friends who she still holds close to her heart today.
Emmy began to be less sensitive, no longer crying at the sight of trash on the floor, but was still an over-thinker. Emmy, without realizing it, would analyze every gesture in every situation and it would actually be at her detriment. Emmy still tries to unravel and untie such tightly bound knots.
Whilst some of Emmy's friendships were blossoming, an ominous undercurrent was brewing. Emmy's self-image, like all teenagers, was beginning to plummet. Such thoughts were soon replaced by the breakdown of Emmy's home. Everything was so uncertain and although Emmy's worries and over-analyzing were once rudimentary, they actually proved to be useful. Emmy could build a shield whilst protecting those that she loved and cared for.
Two years pass and her family is safe. Emmy's mom is able to start a-fresh and her brother is finally able to make the friendships that he deserves. Although she once found her brother to be annoying, once throwing rocks at her window and shooting nerf-guns at her door 24 hours a day (up until the age of 16, may I add), Emmy and her brother grow to be tight. Emmy and her family have a new family and navigate the challenges that this new sense of family brings. *Cheesy* but after the turbulence, there finally once again is a sense of normalcy and Emmy feels very lucky to be able to associate herself with new people.
Except, Emmy's worries never really went away, the only difference between then and now is that her worries serve lesser of a purpose for others. Her wall begins to break down and the waves are able to wash over. She deals with things on her own that she neglected to deal with before.
BUT, with a new place and new people, albeit still pretty clueless, Emmy has learnt more about what she truly wants and needs. Emmy's new friends inspire her to push out of her comfort zone and she is more than extremely grateful to be able to surround herself with such wonderful people.
p.s. Phew. Emmy would probably think that this is a lot of writing. Emmy would also probably think that it is strange writing about herself on an open blog.
p.s.(p.s.) Totally not mentioned but totally and utterly important, Emmy most of all loves a good laugh, but readers can contact Emmy about this another time.
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zzkhan
Junior Member
Posts: 72
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Post by zzkhan on May 17, 2021 5:56:38 GMT
Weekend Journal #5
The words “Hi! I’m Zz!” expressively flow at every chance I have to meet a new person. I am constantly enamored by the beauty in social relationships. The psychology is so utterly interesting to me–I’m fascinated by the neurotransmitters flying around our neural pathways, truly creating what forms everything about our personalities, actions, thoughts, and more. I truly believe that everything I do, I see through this lens, so today, I shed light on its importance to me to bring context to my story.
My favorite word is petrichor. It’s the smell of the earth after a rain. It’s my word of choice on any rainy, summer afternoon. It’s my favorite scent. The sound of rain against a window is my favorite thing to wake up to. On a winter morning, it can be my own personal alarm clock, replacing the usual Beatles’ song. To step outside post rainy day, I see a rainbow and the ground smells wonderful–petrichor. It’s almost renewing to see the ground so invigorated and fresh after a pounding down. It’s as if, regardless of what hits it, it endures it and, even more so, shows its own beauty. Most people find discomfort in rain and gloomy weather, but I’ve realized the petrichor and rainbows that follow are the beauties that come from hardship. I’ve seen strength grow in the pit of my stomach as harsh words have been thrown at my mom and me from my father. The stronger the rain, the greater the flower grows. I’ve learned more about my own strength, and seen myself persevere when I have to tiptoe around my own house. In L.A. I am my own advocate and I am my own person. I’ve found light in darkness, and beauty in grotesque negativity.
Mental illness has also shaped not only my life, but my entire family’s. My younger brother developed severe OCD when I was in high school, and in addition to my narcissistic father and very head-strong older brother, the constant clashing gave my mother the short end of the stick, already dealing with her own mental and physical health issues. She is a queen, I hope to be as strong as her. I just wanted to be normal, and I couldn’t because of the culturally conservative values my father pushed onto me. All in all, all of this and obviously the hereditary mental illness, caused a pitfall of anxiety, depression, insecurity, and more. My life is seriously a movie, you guys. Genuinely. I have a million stories about crazy parts of my life, and all of this I am now able to look at in a positive form of growth. Petrichor, remember? An important part of my story, but not a defining part of me. I’m still fighting through the battle, but through my growth over the years I am now able to be stronger for myself. We won’t get started about the physical health issues right now, but it is what it is, and we’re pushing through that strong, too.
I embrace the fluidity of gender and sexuality. I learn more about myself every single day; I find it so beautiful the ability we have to be introspective. I will keep growing and finding myself, my style, and share my love so strongly with myself.
500 words cannot begin to explain my story, but here’s my best attempt at a start. You’ll learn more about me soon, I promise. But with that, I say thank you for taking the time to read this and have a wonderful evening.
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Post by ayacohen on May 17, 2021 6:05:25 GMT
Weekend Journal #5 5/16: My name is Aya, and I… Well, truly, I don’t know what I am. All that’s for sure is I’m a 19-year old girl, living in Westwood, doing her very best to figure shit out. I don’t know if I’ve always planned for this life, to be honest. I grew up in the typical “tiger parent” only child household, where mediocrity was never an option. Second place was first to lose, B’s were something to be terrified of, and the color silver will never complement me the way a gold medal does. Without realizing it, I began to base most of my worth off of success. I was a shell of a human being if I could not impress my family, and impressing them grew gradually harder as I got older. They wanted me to play piano, annihilate other *CHILDREN* at tennis, act in Hollywood, and excel in academics, as if the brain in my head was strictly for operational use. Every accomplishment I ever had was for the eyes of FaceBook and for decorating the fireplace mantle, but I always felt anxious that my existence itself was never enough. My personality was all over the place, because I never showcased that part of myself to my family. It took me a while to understand that I barely understood my own emotions, and my existence was strictly for people-pleasing. I know it sounds dumb to not understand your own emotions for so long, but I was probably 17 when I first felt anything at all. Surprise surprise, I fell madly in love with someone. Feeling so passionate about something was such a novel feeling in my life, and it felt like the first time I ever had something to look for. But it was a little jarring; I have lived my life so numb and success-oriented, that giving myself the freedom to understand myself was an unnecessary luxury. I took weeks sitting alone in my room, trying to figure out the important question: who the fuck am I? What am I really meant to do? Of course, him ending things with me was no help Every time I looked in the mirror, it felt like seeing a stranger. A stranger I overcriticized constantly, even without knowing them at all. I poked at the fat on my stomach and underneath my chin, thinking about how I will never look like the girls around me. I thought about the way I spent my life, struggling to think of activities I found joy in. I still feel like a stranger to myself, to be quite honest. I often wonder if anything I have done will amount to anything at all, and if the way I am perceived is anywhere close to who I am. I have tried every day since I was 17 to highlight the good qualities of myself that I’m able to understand: I am a strong, courageous person. I am not afraid to speak my mind, and my poker face suffers as a result. I am empathetic, and can be a shoulder to cry on for anyone who ever needs it. I thrive off of hanging out with people—but only if I’m really comfortable with them. I love music, and it will always be what I am happiest around. I like baking things for people when they're sad! I will never let anyone take advantage of me. And most of all, I deserve to love myself. It's the little things about a human being that makes them so lovable, and this life is much too short to judge myself so heavily. I have accepted that I am a little strange in some ways, and that is okay. Having to figure out whose mind I am living in at such a late age in life has a silver lining: I am able to craft exactly who I want to be. I am living, I am learning, and I am on a journey to become undoubtedly myself. I think everybody deserves to live for themselves, and it doesn't matter how late in the game they decide to do so. After all, a life is not well-lived unless I have lived the lives of thousands of other people along the way, and die as the person I strived to become.
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Post by elainekim on May 17, 2021 6:50:21 GMT
Weekend Journal #5
I was quite a peculiar child. I had bangs and magenta pink glasses which I think speaks for itself. It’s not that I was a problem child, however, I had a knack for getting myself into sticky situations. My childhood is filled with distinct memories of these moments. Whether it was getting a timeout in preschool for throwing magnets at a girl’s face or running over my own glasses in elementary school with my bike, the fun never ended. I was kind of like a fuzzy ball of energy that loved to talk. You could always find me outside, making pottery in my classes, or watching cartoons. My entire room was painted pink and I had drawers full of tea sets, dress-up clothes, barbies, and polly pockets. But, I blame my dad for turning me into a nerd child since he’s literally a comic book geek.
Fast forward to my family moving to a different town an hour away right before middle school, I had become a lot more reserved. Maybe this is a result of having to make new friends or just the realization that I was now surrounded by a lot more white people. The world may never know. Anyways, even at that point, I had a very shallow understanding of my own ethnic identity and heritage. Its extent essentially revolved around me going to a Korean church since I was born, knowing that my other friends weren’t getting hit with a tent stick, and that my family would receive lots of stares from old white people when we would vacation in Florida. Being the only person of color in my middle school friend group didn’t help either nor did comments from people within my own community. Even though I went through some amount of years never really being in a comfortable spot regarding that, I think at this point in my life, I have a solid understanding of my identity in that aspect. If we’re talking about other aspects though, maybe not so much because I’m probably the most indecisive person ever, not to mention the impulsiveness that never seemed to go away.
However, a very important question still remains. How did I end up falling down the communist-misandrist pipeline? I think it was a very gradual process that culminated in the height of quarantine. It was almost like I woke up and somehow was radicalized. Obviously it didn’t happen exactly like that, but I never really noticed myself changing until one day I looked back at myself and realized how different I had become. Going into high school and finding my two best friends who understood me and widened my political perspective immensely was a large factor in how much I was able to change. And I’m going to be honest, speaking to more men was all I needed for the misandrist part. I was also a lot more confident in my values and realized that I needed new friends, so I found them. High school was really fun for me and will always be something memorable, but it’s definitely a chapter in my life that has come to a close even if it wasn’t really closed in a complete manner since school shut down.
If someone were to ask me who I am right now, I wouldn’t really know how to shortly describe myself. Maybe after this paragraph, you’ll be able to summarize it yourself. I’m someone who can get along with a lot of different personality types which usually culminates in me having different friends that don’t all mesh. I’m an introvert with extroverts and an extrovert with introverts. I love having allotted alone time and wouldn’t give it up for anything. List-making and planning is an obsession of mine, but I have a really hard time actually following what I write out. I think I have a hard time expressing my emotions and verbalizing them outwardly which usually results in people I know thinking that I’m not emotional when in fact, it’s very much the opposite. I love blaming my Pisces moon on this, but on the inside, I feel like I’m very emotional, but maybe I just don’t show it because I don’t like to be vulnerable (I blame my dad for that). Friendships will always be one of the biggest values in my life and I tend to overextend myself with friends, which sometimes leads to me neglecting my own personal priorities. I think the characteristic that I’m the proudest of in myself is that I try to follow my personal values very closely and am not afraid to say something or deal with confrontation when needed. Despite a home life and local environment that might’ve said otherwise, I’d say I’m now someone who is far more confidant than I was before. Being on time with things is still my worst enemy though.
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Post by vidyapatel on May 22, 2021 2:56:57 GMT
Weekend Journal #6
As I am writing this, I am in absolute disbelief of what life was like 6 weeks ago. 6 weeks ago from today I completed my interview and felt really empty because I thought I dropped the ball on one of the greatest opportunities I had found at UCLA. 6 weeks ago from today I just had my heartbroken. 6 weeks ago from today I had 0 friends at UCLA, felt the entire academic year was a waste of time, and considered transferring schools. It was a low point to say the least and to get out of the tough headspace my Mom, sister, and I went to NYC for a girls weekend. Later that weekend, while walking through Central Park, I received my bid. I did not really know what that meant, but I felt so elated that one thing- one very important thing- finally went right after the whole year. On April 11, 2021 when I attended the bid ceremony and met my pledge brothers for the first time I had no idea what was in store for me and more importantly us. I thought the greatest challenge we would face is organizing ourselves silently by age and listing out facts about each other in the correct order… but that was probably the easiest part of the entire process. To put into words what the pledge process has done for me would be nearly impossible, but I will try my best. Professionally- Interviews taught us the important skills of cold emailing, time management, holding conversations, maintaining professionalism, consistency, consideration, and teamwork. We had to work together to make sure we were not all emailing the same active members, helping each other with facts or contacting our bigs, and reminding each other of deadlines when we noticed someone was falling behind. Beyond the pledge process, the cold email skills allowed me to receive an internship for this summer and I am so grateful to learn the skills. I personally learned how to fundraise and keep everyone on track, but as a group, everyone helped me reach our goal. We helped our pledge brother plan an entire professional event where I learned so much about what it takes to enter the legal field and what I need to do to get there. Socially- I met my best friends. This whole year all I craved was friendship and my pledge brothers were worth the wait, lonely weekends, and hours of contemplating transferring. I know my UCLA experience will be spent with these people and I could not be luckier. We learned how to work together and more importantly fill in where another was weak. If one pledge brother was missing, we would not be the same. We are only as good as the collective. Even when we all had both of our hands filled with tasks, we always kept an eye out for each other. As far as growth, we all had this kindness within us at the start but it was the willingness to share the kindness so quickly and generously that says a lot about us. We stood up for each other, took blame, and checked in with each other when times were hard- inside and outside of the pledge process. Compared to week 1 we not only focused on areas of our own downfalls but made sure to keep an eye out for our pledge brothers as well. Small things like sending “pledge pin check” in the group me before meetings to bigger things like areas of personal concerns and breakdowns- we were there for each other in a way family would be. Through long nights, workshops, planning, countless google sheets, an entire mock trial, beautiful instagram posts, funny zoom calls, music videos, and a lot of love I grew into a better version of myself because I am surrounded by those who inspire, encourage, and support me. 6 weeks ago Vidya is really proud and grateful for the opportunity she was granted and the family she found through it.
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Post by nathanklassen on May 23, 2021 21:52:04 GMT
Weekend Journal #6 05/23: This has definitely been an unexpected time. When I had rushed the fraternity, I was purely looking for a group of like-minded people and for an opportunity to get resources to help my pursuit of becoming a lawyer. I did not know what the pledge process entailed and I was beyond overwhelmed when I started. Honestly, I was unsure that I would even get a bid, but here we are and I am almost finished. To get this far it took a lot of self-reflection along the way. I constantly reconsidered whether or not to continue pledging, but I am glad I made that decision and opened up myself to rely on my bigs and pledge brothers. I operate well with lists of things to do and accomplishing things as I proceed; however, with the past quarter, there was barely room to breathe, until recently– which should have been used prepping for this upcoming week. I figured out the best way to wrap my head around all of the responsibilities was to view them as checkpoints leading to the finish line. Although I only made a very small dent by completing the first week of pledging, it at least meant that I finished and it was a constant cycle of finishing each week reaching for the next, and now it is the final week.
As a unit, the first thing the pledge class does experiences is a bit of trauma bonding. Some actives had mentioned “pbros” during rush week, but I did not sincerely realize how much of an integral role it would play in my ability to cross into the fraternity. We started as a group of strangers, which then became a group of friends, and the moment that it was solidified in my mind that we were brothers was the immense support during the Pledge Professional Event. There was always constant reassurance that I would succeed, as well as sharing that encouragement with the rest of our pledge class. Our motto being modeled after the saying “Ride or Die” is very fitting as I think our support of one another has been a consistent theme for our group.
Despite how much I say I dread composing emails to fulfill the various requirements, every interview I have had with an active has been so gratifying. Most offered their insight on the pledge process, on interests we share in common, or general advice about UCLA or going into the legal field. That is one thing I did not know that would come out of this process, it has been very informative and educational, while simultaneously developing relationships with some of the active members of the fraternity. It almost made me sad that for some of the actives it is their last quarter at UCLA and I will not get the chance to meet with them as a fellow student, but it goes to show how great the alumni network is with the fraternity of Kappa Alpha Pi.
I could not go on about how I have done without mentioning both my big and adopted big, Max and Megan (I just realized we make MnM – goals). Receiving Max was such a blessing, especially as I was still struggling to get my footing and manage the new workload that pledging provides. I will refrain from expressing all of my affection into this, as I should save it for active appreciation, but she has been a tremendous help that I honestly could not be where I am without her. Meeting Megan is the highlight of this past quarter, thus far at least, as I have rarely left my house, let alone met anyone from the fraternity. She was able to give me a purpose to keep going as sometimes it can get lost when I am only staring at faces on a screen.
A lot more work still needs to be done so I can prepare myself for this week and accomplish everything to the best of my ability, but I think with all of the knowledge that has been bestowed upon me by the actives and my bigs, as well as the motivation from my fellow pledge brothers, I believe that I can do it.
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Post by hannasato on May 23, 2021 23:42:20 GMT
Weekend Journal #6:
When I came out to rush, I remember being skeptical about joining a professional fraternity and worrying about if I would be able to find the same sense of comradery and friendship that my roommate had found in her own professional fraternity. But now reflecting on the pledging process, it is mindblowing to me that I had no idea who my pledge brothers, big, and adopted big were six weeks ago. Already these people play such an integral role in my life and honestly my happiness that I struggle to remember what my life was like before being a Xi.
Although there have without a doubt been setbacks, I am proud of the professional growth of both myself and my pledge brothers. Throughout Mock Trial, we came together as a team and learned to trust each other to always put in our best effort and support each other. In Membership Education, we learned vital professional skills that we have relied on each other to practice and perfect. During our pledge meetings, we turned to Alexis for leadership while also turning to each of us to lead in our positions. Even in office hours, while we saw the ways we struggled we would also witness each of us grow from those mistakes and improve as pledges and professionals.
For my individual growth, I believe the pledging process has definitely tested me which has pushed me significantly. In terms of my professional growth, I believe my cold email skills have improved as well as my understanding of professional dress and interview etiquette. For philanthropy, I believe Emmy has done a fantastic job with our philanthropy work and I have enjoyed being able to participate with Food Oasis. But I believe the place I have grown the most is with the brotherhood aspect of this fraternity. Upon receiving my bid, I looked at my pledge brothers and had a lot of reservations about them and whether or not I would ever be close with them. But slowly, following each assignment and blunder we had, seeing them grow and perform at times hilarious aftermaths, spending time with them both inside and outside of pledging, they have become my best friends. Our brotherhood was not what I anticipated, but it exceeded everything I could have hoped for. I love each and every one of my brothers for the integral role they play within our pledge class and my life. Without brotherhood, I know I would not have grown in a professional and philanthropic manner as successfully because they served as a constant and unwavering support system for me.
The strategies I relied on for this growth was above all knowing my limits and when I needed to go easy on myself. The past few weeks have been difficult on my mental health to say the least but what I have learned is that it is fine for me to take an hour to myself in order to reset. Throughout pledging, I have been constantly concerned that I am not doing enough but over time I have come to accept that I will always put in as much effort as I can and that I can do that while also supporting myself. My strategy has been to give myself time for myself every day, whether it be working out, spending time with my friends, cooking, or just relaxing for a moment. Also, my strategy has also been to break up my tasks to make them more manageable and less intimidating. But most importantly, the strategy that has helped me the most is to tell my pledge brothers what I am going through. Most of my friends do not understand the stress of the pledge process or why I have not had as much time to hang out with them. As sad as that is for me to know, I have the comfort of knowing that there are nine other people who feel the exact same way. When I expressed that I was struggling with my mental health, my pledge brothers made sure that I knew they were there for me without a doubt which was an invaluable experience.
Thinking about the people who have helped me the most throughout the pledging process, it makes me happy to realize how many people did play a role in my growth. Besides my pledge brothers, my big and adopted big also provided constant support and encouragement for me which has served as one of my greatest motivators going into Hell Week. Going into my interview with Michael, I had no idea that I was going to meet one of the most hilarious and intellectual people I had ever met or that I was going to be sitting for three hours LOL. At the end of the interview, he asked me if I wanted to be his adopted little and this was one of the absolute highlights of the pledging experience. It made me so happy to think that we had made such a great connection even though this was our first time getting to know each other and we were on Zoom. And of course, I would not be where I am now without my big, Mira. I remembered meeting her during rush and instantly feeling comfortable around her; I wanted her to be my big so badly and was so so happy when I found out she was. She has been the most amazing support system for me, simply being in her presence brings my mood up and I love getting to do casual things with her throughout the week just to spend time together. I have never been able to share so much about myself with someone so easily and I already know that Mira will continue to be one of the most important figures in my life throughout my time at UCLA and beyond.
When I rushed and heard actives say that becoming a part of Kappa Alpha Pi was the best decision they had ever made, I had my doubts. But six weeks in, I have no regrets about my time pledging and I am looking forward to spending the rest of my undergraduate career and life spending time with members of this fraternity if and when I cross this week.
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Post by emmyshaw on May 24, 2021 1:16:26 GMT
Weekend Journal #6
Going into the pledge process, I really did not know what to expect. I remember in the first pledge meeting we had, I was overwhelmed with the number of tasks that we were about to undertake. I remember thinking in that moment that there was no possible way that I was going to be able to fit so much more into my schedule, let alone with mostly people who I had never even met before.
One of the major reasons I rushed for Kappa Alpha Pi was to push myself outside of my comfort zone and actually try something entirely new and different. I have always loved meeting and talking to people, so that was not entirely new, but of course the pledge process demands a different level of outgoingness and forces you to almost expedite the process of getting to know others. At the time, I did not expect to become so close so fast with my pledge brothers, and I can hardly even fathom the fact that I knew none of them (albeit Zz).
As far as improvement goes, I definitely feel more comfortable talking to people in general, and I feel more confident in myself and my professional capabilities. Although perhaps not a big deal to some, as someone who often doubts themselves, this is a big improvement. I am of course still trying to improve and work on things; however, I am very happy to have put my foot in the door and begin this new journey.
I can undoubtedly say that my pledge brothers have aided this. I love how my pledge brother have become a support system, wishing to see each other succeed in and outside of the pledge process. Particularly, as I said, in such a short amount of time. I truly feel like I could go to any of them, and they would help with anything with open arms.
I think that that, leaning on pledge brothers, has definitely been one of my main strategies and my pledge brothers’ main strategies. When anyone needs help, there is always someone to there. When anyone needs someone to talk about anything, there is always a pledge brother on the other end of the zoom. I mention this strategy because it is the best of all strategies, and realistically, is the only way that we would have a shot at crossing into this fraternity. This week, we will rely on each other more than ever, and our brotherhood, with hopefully our professionalism and philanthropy, will only continue to grow.
Hands down, my favourite part of this entire process has been seeing my pledge brothers blossom into themselves, and I have loved learning something new (and perhaps absolutely hilarious) about each and every one of them every day. I love how all of us have such different, and unique personalities, yet are work as a perfect blend.
We have each learned to lean on each other’s strengths. As the group has grown and overcome the challenges that the pledge process has presented to us, individuals have grown, too. Of course, we have all made mistakes in the pledge process, but working as a group has not only allowed us to learn from our own mistakes, but from each other’s too. In no way shape or form would any of us be in the position we are now without the input and help of each and every pledge brother.
I am extremely grateful that I have met my pledge brothers, and I look forward to getting to know them even more as the pressure intensifies in this coming week.
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Post by ericrousso on May 24, 2021 3:16:33 GMT
Although I have (as I am sure most of us have) experiences some of my lowest moments throughout the pledge quarter, I definitely want to take the time to reflect on the experience as a whole, rather than my mishaps. First of all, I want to start with my pledge brothers. Coming into rush, I remember hearing from the most recent pledge quarter, the Nus, that they had gotten really close and found some amazing friends, all within the past couple of months. They mentioned how, at the time of rush they had really only known each other for about a quarter, but clarified that it felt like so much longer and that it felt like they had found some of their closest friends through the pledge process.
Intrinsically, I am a very pessimistic person, and I doubted this the second I heard it. I thought to myself that there was no way you can get that close with other people over the span of a quarter, and it's simply false that you could have found your “best friend” within the span of a quarter. I believed that yes, you could find some friends, but you really need to spend much more time with them before you can even begin to gauge how close you have the potential to be with them.
Happily, I’ve been proven wrong. I completely understand where the Nus were coming from. I love my pledge brothers, and I legitimately think that we have been nothing but good for each other the entire quarter. Even though it may be considered “trauma bonding” (and all that entails, in a loose sense), I’ve never had a stronger foundation for a relationship with other people than I have through this process. I love making quick friends, and I love saying hi to more people when I cross them on the street, but these people are just so so so much more than that. Regardless of whether or not I feel like I’ve known them for ages or whether or not I feel comfortable sharing every aspect of my life with them, I feel like the foundations have been built, and they’re some of the strongest foundations for a better relationship I have felt with anyone. I love each and every one of my pledge brothers, and I wouldn’t change a thing about any one of them.
I guess one of the other things it is important to reflect on would be professional development. That “class clown” energy I appear to bring to our meetings and socials and events definitely isn’t new. I’ve been that person for as long as I can remember. As I am sure you all know, class clown-ism and professionalism aren’t the best mix. I like to think I can take things seriously when I need to, but if I’ve learned anything from this quarter, it’s that the most difficult part of the entire process has been keeping the two energies separate.
I don’t know how I come off, but I really am trying. I take every cold email seriously, I enter every interview with the baseline intention of being respectful and intricate in what I say, and I am desperately careful in making sure I meet every deadline, submit every assignment, and follow instructions exactly how I should. When I am called out for the small “attention-to-detail” mistakes, I feel personally responsible for everything I am doing wrong, and in the end, I just want to do better, whether or not that is reflected in my active body feedback or aftermaths.
I feel like we have all learned some valuable skills in professionalism over the course of this quarter, and I remain grateful for what I have learned the past few weeks. I do take the process seriously, and if it ever comes off that I am not, I am made aware and then I only want to correct my actions. Again, even though the process has been rough recently, I don’t want to disqualify everything I have learned and accomplished this past quarter, and I know exactly what I can do to improve my development going forward. I want to finish strong, and I am excited to wrap up the quarter the best way I can.
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Post by kylienakamoto on May 24, 2021 5:08:00 GMT
Weekend Journal #6
I remember the day that I received my bid. I had been in the shower and when I got out, my roommates had put the gift bag on my bed. I was so excited! I had been having trouble sleeping the night before because I was so nervous and did not think I did well in my interview, so I had little hope of receiving a bid. However, I wanted to receive one very badly because I had genuinely loved everyone I talked to. I am happy to say that this sentiment has not changed. However, little did I know what pledging would be like. Oh, I was so naive.
I remember being so overwhelmed at the first pledge meeting when we went over the binder. I just felt like I had so much to do and seriously did not think that I could do it. Looking back, I think this stress was exacerbated by the fact that I didn’t really know any of my pledge brothers. After that meeting, our group chat started. However, it was a bit chaotic since we didn’t know each other very well and we were all trying to say our ideas on how to organize everything while still being polite. Even from the start though, we all bonded over this shared stress.
The first couple weeks of pledging were hard. I had been planning a trip home the day after the first pledge meeting for my boyfriend’s birthday. However, I remember being so sad and overwhelmed because I was so stressed with pledging that I did not have much time to spend with my boyfriend or family. Also, it was really heartbreaking when Christian decided to drop because I started to question what we were doing. There was one super stressful day for all of us: it was the day the rankings came out. We were pretty hurt by the rankings because we felt like we were trying to be torn apart. Ultimately, it brought us closer together but in the moment we were frustrated. It was also a tough day because that was when I spelt Lillan’s name wrong for the second time and I just felt so stupid and frustrated with myself. That same day, I had a few interviews that day where I felt like the vibe was a bit off, and I was correct because at Office Hours I was told I was low energy/dry in those interviews. Although I never seriously considered dropping, days like these really brought me down and I would cry to my boyfriend, friends, and family about it. I’m someone who takes people’s words very personally and when someone criticizes me I can’t help but take it as an attack on my personality and who I am. However, with the support of my pledge brothers, I decided to keep working to improve and be better. I believe I have improved, since I did not receive punishments after the first Office Hours. Now, I am more confident in myself and my speaking abilities, and have learned how to rely on others instead of being so independent. I know I did make mistakes still, but I tried to send the best emails that I could, double check them, and be as high energy as possible in interviews. I also put a lot of effort into my Mock trial work, and am glad to have had great guidance from Ria and Peter. I have loved getting to know the Actives through interviews since they are all amazing in their own ways. I am also thankful for all the professionalism guidance from Jessica and Lauren. They were the sweetest MemEd directors ever!!!!
Although I am far from perfect, I wouldn’t have been able to be where I am now without my pledge brothers. I love each and every one of them so much. They make my day everytime that I am with them and we all have so much fun together. In addition, they are the kindest and most supportive people I know. I could not imagine our pledge class without each and every one of them. Even the people who aren’t in Westwood, I still feel extremely close to and thankful for. Shoutout to Alexis, Vidya, and Nathan, you guys are the best and I wish you were here.
I am also beyond thankful for the support of my Big Akunnia. She has helped me soooo much throughout the quarter, from the littlest things like checking up on me, or bigger things like having picnics together and getting me the best gifts. She is my ride or xi!!!! She cares so much about me and always takes care of me and I could not have asked for a better big. Even when she kills me, she always takes care of me after. If you’re reading this I LOVE YOU!!! I also love Hannah, my adopted big. She is always so sweet to talk to and I can’t wait to hang out with her more.
Overall, I believe that as the pledge process has progressed, we have improved professionally every week, and this is largely due to how close we have gotten each and every week. I can tell by the way that we are more confident when we speak, worked together for mock trial, have received less punishments overall, and most of all we just ride for each other. We aren’t perfect, but our Brotherhood definitely shoes through our love for each other. I know that we are all capable of getting through this week! I love you all so much <3
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Post by ayacohen on May 24, 2021 5:33:02 GMT
Weekend Journal #6: Holy shit! Pledging is ALMOST OVER. Wow… I am overcome with such an insane range of emotions right now. Let’s fast forward to the quarter before I started pledging: Winter quarter was literally the worst quarter of my life. Like, no exaggeration. All of my friends from home kind of stopped talking to me, since they made their own friends at college. I stopped using Snapchat in an effort to no longer look at their stories of them having insane amounts of fun at parties with their new best friends. I couldn’t stand the fact that I felt so behind socially, and like I was losing my entire social circle in the blink of an eye. Why was I not capable enough to make friends in college? Why did COVID have to become a thing in the most formative years of my college life? Even more, what was wrong with me that I couldn’t work up the motivation to just get myself out there? I laid in bed for seriously, the whole quarter. Being isolated in a new city was simply debilitating, and I considered transferring schools. Taking a gap year. Going anywhere else but here, because I felt like I stunted my growth with the lack of connections I was making. Spring quarter is when I decided to change, and that change was rushing Kappa Alpha Pi. Thinking about how in only six weeks, I have made my best friends at UCLA, I just…wow. I could have never imagined creating such a close-knit group of friends that I would ride or Xi for. It has been a ride meeting all the actives, cramming for quizzes and presentations, and learning how to become more professional. I feel like I want to use this space to tell everyone exactly how they have affected me, and where I would be without them: First and foremost, my twin, Vidya: there has never been anyone as sweet as you on this earth. It is like somebody combined all the sugar and spices they have to create one perfect human. We click so well together, and trust me, I have been planning out all the adventures we will have at UCLA together. You make me feel so comfortable, and are the best friend I have been searching for within my time at UCLA. Thank you for being such a beautiful person, and for being such an inspiration to me. When I meet you in person, I am giving you the BIGGEST SQUEEZE EVER! I love giving hugs so much. Elaine, you have taught me to have FUN! I can be so anxious and uptight, and learning how to let go and laugh is so difficult for me. With you, I feel like everything comes easy. I cannot wait for all the memories we’ll have in the future, and I promise, the next time I climb that latter I won’t be shaking as much. Thank you for being so beautiful, inside and OUT (please teach me how to look as pretty as you I BEG). Hanna, you are one of those people that has such a unique atmosphere to them. When anyone comes around you, they can tell they’re going to have a once in a lifetime experience. It’s kind of like the feeling when you first ride a rollercoaster, and you’re overcome with adrenaline and childlike novelty, you know? You represent that feeling of happiness. Plus, you are such a STRONG, bad bitch, and an inspiration! I adore you so, so, very much. Eric!!! Where do I begin with you. Every conversation with you feels like a warm hug. I never felt like I needed to put on a front around you, and joking around with you is such an essential part of my day. I hope you never take my teasing too seriously, because in all realness, this pledge class would just not be the same without you. Your laugh is so contagious, and I could spend hours listening to it! Alexis…my pledge father who has been there for me more than my real father…I LOVE YOU! You make me feel confident that I can achieve anything, and all my stress disappears after talking to you. Finding people like you in life is so difficult, and without you, I think I would not have survived this process. I cherish your presence in my life, and hope you know the impact you’ve had on my life. I know we tease you for being our dad and all, but just know that you are someone we highly look up to. Emmy, you are like a sunflower! The brightest ray of sunshine! The cutest giggles and the funniest jokes! Every time I see you, I feel like I unlock a new side of you. You are so spontaneous and welcome me with open arms, and I am so excited to become best friends with you. You are so easy to talk to, and remind me of a breath of fresh air. You represent all the good parts of life that I look forward to every day. ZZ, I dreamt of having a friend like you throughout my entire year so far. I swear, sometimes I feel like we are the same person. You embody what it means to be a genuine, pure human being. You are there for me in the best and worst of times, and I can count on you to lean on. I am so happy that I met you in our rush breakout rooms, and I know that the memories we will make are so precious. I am so lucky that you exist, and I mean that with my whole heart. KYLIE! SWEET AND CUTE KYLIE I ADORE YOU! You remind me of the color pink, and cotton candy, and all the finest pastries. Everything you touch leaves a sparkle of happiness! I feel so safe and comfortable around you, and I appreciate that you always laugh at my jokes (even the dumb ones). Everybody needs a Kylie in their life; someone to uplift them, and make them feel on top of the world. You’re the best! The ABSOLUTE best! Last but especially not least, Nathan: you have taught me to be a better person. Yes, yes, sounds cliché and all—but you motivate me to work harder and become the best version of myself. I admire your drive, your incredible work ethic, and how hard you work to make things perfect. You are the prime example of what a UCLA student should look like, and I am certain everybody in your life is so proud to know you. I am looking forward to the amazing accomplishments you will achieve! I would be nowhere without you guys. I was in such a bad place before this pledge process, and I cannot stress enough how bright you guys have made my life. Thank you for everything, and I cannot wait for the good times ahead. RIDE OR XI FOREVER (or xi or cry)!
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zzkhan
Junior Member
Posts: 72
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Post by zzkhan on May 24, 2021 5:48:34 GMT
Weekend Journal #6: This pledge process has been quite the whirlwind of an adventure. From making friends, to figuring out how to handle spontaneous and abrupt situations, I’ve definitely learned a lot about myself and my interactions with others. Truly, the pandemic has made my mental health at an all time low, especially because of the lack of conversation and then not meeting new people. But right when I needed it, “forced” socialization had occurred with the fraternity, and I started talking to so many amazing people, going through some life changes personally, and really finding myself and my passions more. That’s a lot of how I’ve grown as a person - really pushing myself socially and using the people around me as a guiding support. I’ve learned to lean on others and even more about the importance of collaboration. I’ve really honed in my leadership skills, as well, during this process. I am able to be a support for others the same way they are able to be a support for me - and that’s so important. As a unit, I definitely think we’ve learned a lot about how we work together and individually. We all had to do some time-management work on ourselves, just because of how hectic the pledging process can be at times. I think we have also learned so much about communication. You know, though we are just 10 people, there can still be so much hectic-ness and we learned we just need to talk. Once I talk to my pledge brothers about any issue I am having, pledge related or personal, I feel so much better. We all do. We somehow got so close in just a couple of weeks, and I feel us getting even closer and closer as this pledge process comes to an end. I genuinely just feel so comforted by my pledge brothers, as a unit we have really learned a lot about how we work as a group too. Like, we know who is good at what, and in a super positive way. We understand each others’ strengths and weaknesses and we know how to use them in the best ways possible. I know what I am good at, and there are things I didn’t know I was good at that my pledge brothers noticed, and now I hone in on those skills, like empathy and positive support for others and making sure others feel appreciated, but also you know my organization skills are pretty awesome! I’ve been kind of out of it this quarter, but regardless I am proud of myself and so so so proud of us. And even though those of us in Westwood have not been able to see Vidya, Nathan, and Alexis in person, we are still so close. It’s crazy to me how close I’ve gotten to people over Zoom. I love my pledge class so much. I truly feel like these people are my siblings, like regardless of what happens going forward, that’s not going to change. We also have so much drive and passion. We used to be a little scared about a lot of things, and now you talk to anyone of us and we are filled with motivation to keep going and do our best at it, with a positive mindset in our back pocket. At the end of the day, we are here for each other and that’s what matters to me. Ride or Xi baby. Every single one of us are so passionate about little and big individual things. I’ve learned when we really focus on those individual differences, it’s what makes us the best we can be. I am also so so so very thankful for my big, Chloe. I don’t think Eric and I would’ve been able to do this in the same way without her. She’s really kept us going, and I couldn’t be more thankful. Yeah, so 700 words later and that’s my take on the pledge process. Let’s go Hell Week.
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