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Post by emmyshaw on Apr 29, 2021 6:30:35 GMT
4/28
Today was an interesting day. Definitely not as much work done as I could have done but it's ok cause I figure sometimes I need time for myself and other things. I know it is because I was up until 4 am last night talking to one of my friends from the UK and safe to say I knocked out afterwards. It was a pretty draining conversation and kind of set a mellow tone for my day. I had French at 10 am today so rolled out of bed onto my desk and pretended to be awake as my camera has to be on. Afterwards, I had to run to targét to pick up some bread, milk and soap. I then had a coding lab for a bit and actually came away pretty relieved as it turns out that I know more than I realised! Thank goodness cause I was starting to get a little stressed about the upcoming midterm (on Tuesday, the same day as my second dose LOL - but I think (I hope) the side-effects don't kick in until night). I wrote some emails and interviewed David which was great cause he gave me some more insight into philanthropy! I finished off a couple more emails and then practically ran to the Botanical garden before closing to just sit and think and stare at more hummingbirds and listen to music. I came back and made a quick dinner and went to the pledge-alumni mixer. It was really great to hear some advice from alumni that aren't too far into the future! I chatted to my p-bros for a bit after which was wonderful because they are all hilarious, and then I sat down to do some tutoring (today it was Punnett squares and di-hybrid crosses). To finish the day off, I went to get boba with a couple of friends and now am working on my lab!
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Post by alexisp on Apr 29, 2021 23:42:55 GMT
4/29
Sympathy. One of the most powerful tools that also creates weakness. I have a hard time letting people in. It is very hard to trust people in my opinion. I have always been disappointed in the trust I have put into people whether they break that trust or just simply don't care. There have been a few that have earned it well but generally I don't trust people. I hate sympathy with a fiery passion. I hate being pitied so much because it is all I have ever known all my life. Just pity after pity. I hate the feeling of not being able to stand on my own two feet because everyone has basically told me I can't or will never will, whether they were being honest with me or trying to inspire me. My life has seen people focusing on the awards and never the struggle. When I get an A from a class or professor, it never shows the study hours I put in, it never shows the countless sleepless nights, it never shows the journey, just that my grade and work is as equal as someone else who might of studied 10 minutes before the tests with no worries. In life, no one really cares about the struggle only if you get the job done or not. Thats why I never let people in because there is no point in my mind. I have worked jobs where it doesn't matter if I was barely starting or just struggling because if you suck you are fired and gone in a few days. I have worked graveyard shifts at factory that doesn't care what you doing before or what other job you have. If you late or mess up thats it, game over. Sometimes when I do let people in, it is just a matter of time where everyone is taking advantage of my kindness and asking for tons of favors all out once because in their minds, I am always free to help and never have a life. I have gone without eating for whole days and it sometimes was because I just had no energy. I am basically completely broke and it pains me to sometimes have to ask people for help or money because I feel completely worthless. I have no time to destress with the gym or work to helpfully use my funds to go out. Of the few I have let in, one is my gf. I don't want to sound corny because my life was fine before I met her but she does so much more for my mental health than most people realize. Now I can't spend as much time with her which sucks because I don't wanna push her away, my brothers away, or my other family away but I'm being forced to. My life is not hard. There will always be someone who has it worse or has it better. I just need people to understand why its hard for me to let myself be vulnerable. Judgement as been beside me my whole life and its the last thing I need right now. I am deserving of everything that has come my way and more because I have no excuses, I have no hardships (in my mind). I am just not trying hard enough. That's why I don't want to explain my situations to anyone. If I'm not getting the job on, I deserve to be fired. Cold and simple. No help, no aid, just fired on the spot because I know others are trying harder with more on their plate. As for my day, it is pretty good, not gonna lie.
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Post by hannasato on Apr 30, 2021 0:33:09 GMT
April 29th:
Today has been pretty jam packed but overall it has been a good day. I started off my morning with a large cold brew with oat milk and turkey sausage (I haven’t been grocery shopping in two weeks so I have been making struggle meals lately). Then I headed to my interview with Jennifer at 9 am. Our conversation was very enjoyable and we talked for over an hour about our shared experiences being Korean, her excitement for her study abroad trip next quarter, and the social scene in Westwood. Afterwards, I had an interview with Caitlin which was also enjoyable. She provided me with a lot of invaluable information to apply to my remaining three years at UCLA which I really appreciated.
After my two interviews, I wrote some emails and set up all my interviews for the week. I have scheduled all seven for this week’s quota which definitely took a big weight off of my shoulders. I feel like I have gotten into more of a groove with pledging, finding that balance between all the things that require my attention.
I headed to the gym and did a cardio, leg and upper body workout. I felt a lot better after my workout, it made me feel a lot more productive about my day. I showered and then headed to campus to meet Elaine. She brought me to Bruin Cafe and swiped me in so I could finally try their famous smoothies and waffles. They definitely did not disappoint and I loved getting the chance to catch up with Elaine in person.
Then I went to our office hours meeting; thankfully I did not receive an aftermath this week and am going to continue to give pledging my all. After, I ran downstairs because my suit pants finally got delivered after three weeks. I tried on my full suit and although business professional is not my favorite attire, I definitely did feel powerful and honestly confident in it.
For the rest of the day, I am going to catch up on my lectures for Visible Language and Astronomy, study for my last midterm, draft emails to send tomorrow morning and go to our Membership Education. Also, I have made the personal decision to start playing Super Smash Bros. with my guy friends because I’ve noticed that men tend to play that game as though their masculinity is at stake so I would like to become a Smash god and take that away from them. Essentially, my new interpretation of feminism is to damage their ego regarding the one thing they love more than anything which happens to be video games. I am going to play 15 minutes a day until I am confident I can take them in a game, so I will keep you all posted as to the status of my new mission.
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Post by vidyapatel on Apr 30, 2021 3:53:55 GMT
April 29th: I had a great day overall. The day started off with a beautiful walk with my grandma near a lake by Foster City. My grandma is always in the kitchen at her house so I am so glad that I was able to take her for a walk this morning. The weather was perfect and the lake was really pretty. My grandma is truly the cutest and I am so grateful for this time with her. After that, I worked on my coding project which took a really long time. I did not end up finishing it and because it took such a long time I felt very unproductive today. Today I had an amazing interview with Ria and it was so amazing to get to know her better. We have so many things in common and she inspires me. After that, I worked a bit more but still was not able to get much done. Then we had our office hour which was alright. I just hope we can improve. Today was my last full day in CA and I am going to miss my family so much. After Mem Ed I worked on my paper and am going to submit it in a bit. What I accomplished today: part of the research assignment, PA 70 edits, 1 interview, and sent a few emails. What I want to complete today: submit PA 70 and draft a few emails What I wish to complete tomorrow: study for Air Pollution, edit Op-Ed, flight, and send a few emails.
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Post by kylienakamoto on Apr 30, 2021 4:31:57 GMT
Daily Journal Thursday 4/29/21
Today kind of sucked overall. Overall I am just overwhelmed with school. I went to my Pol Sci 50 lecture where he went off on tangents again, and right after class he released his midterm prompt. He chose a pretty difficult prompt and the paper is due tomorrow at 5 PM, so I will have to work on that for the rest of the night. I am very lost but I hope I can figure it out, and I am glad Nathan is also in the class so we can discuss ideas. My big, Akunnia, also offered to help me which was very sweet of her.
After that class, I had my three hour cluster seminar. The class is super interesting, but it was just more added work as she also assigned the midterm today. This assignment is more of a fun, interactive one, as she created a scenario and we are pretending to be on the Supreme Court and have to rule on the scenario. It seems really interesting to actually apply the knowledge we learned and pretend like I am a judge. Also, that is due next week, thankfully.
I also just feel overwhelmed because I have a MGMT quiz tomorrow, as well as catching up on my economics lecture that I didn’t watch. I’m putting that off so I can focus on my paper, but it just makes me feel more behind.
Then we had Office Hours and afterward I didn’t feel the greatest. I just felt like no matter how hard I try I’m not good enough. I’m in the middle of an introvert and extrovert and some days I am super energetic and other days I’m not but I still try to be happy to everyone I talk to, even if I’m more reserved. I don’t want to fake who I am when I talk to people and I just felt like people didn’t like me just for being myself. I know that they just mean for the criticism to be helpful but it kind of hit me in a soft spot and made me feel bad about myself. My pledge brothers and friends made me feel better and we got Salt and Straw which made me feel a lot better. I hope I can finish my midterm tonight and have a better day tomorrow!
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zzkhan
Junior Member
Posts: 72
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Post by zzkhan on Apr 30, 2021 4:36:01 GMT
4/29: Well, hello everyone. I am currently writing my journal while sitting in the waiting room to hopefully see a doctor soon. Y’all, I’m in so much pain it’s never been this bad. But it’s okay. I guess it’s just quite frustrating to me that I have had so many issues with my uterus since I was in 7th grade, I mean I even got exploratory surgery when I was in 10th grade, but still no answer. I’ve had the worst back pain for the past 4 days, and now it literally feels like my insides are at war with themselves, too. The throbbing pain is in the same spot it would be if it was appendicitis, but I’m certain it’s not that. I feel so icky. Why did this have to happen now? I’m already going through it. LOL. It’s okay, though. Positive mindset, positive day. I just got to keep that going. He told me that (haha). I am going to use the motto to keep that Zz energy. I also don’t want to lose any more sleep. Also I love writing, so writing this journal is giving me something to do to distract myself from the pain. #thissucks. I also forgot to eat today. I really just don’t know what happened. I was so ready for today to be the most productive day, and I mean I did take a midterm, study, meet to plan a leadership event, hang out with my amazing big, and go to office hours.
UPDATE! I am finally in a room, talked to a medical student who is helping, got cardio stickers on my chest, and got blood drawn! I am so frustrated and hope that they don’t just say everything is inconclusive again. But they did remind me that I was not going to die. I need that a lot of times. Anyways, I think I am literally going crazy, so I am going to just chill now. See y’all soon!
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Post by ayacohen on Apr 30, 2021 4:42:41 GMT
4/29
I had an okay day today. I woke up still feeling incredibly #ill, but I am definitely over exaggerating. I come from a long line of exaggerators, but my dad is the worst. If he has a paper cut, the whole house has to suffer with him. Being sick sucks because of academic reasons, though. I decided I would send all my emails today instead of yesterday, because I was way too sick to even look at my computer yesterday. But now, I only have one interview lined up for the week, and I know that meeting the quota will be difficult. I feel really bogged down with everything, and not good enough. This year has been so tough to maneuver socially and academically, and sometimes, pledging just makes me feel like a Big Idiot. However, I know all the criticism I receive is constructive. I can just be really fragile sometimes, and overthink what everybody thinks about me. Especially if I do something that can negatively affect my brothers. That's what hurts me the worst. I never want to disappoint the people around me or make them dislike me, and I often ruminate on those issues a lot more than how I am personally processing information. Anyways, I watched a lot of Bojack Horseman today in between my work. I finished two PS20 assignments, so all I have left is to study for the midterm. I have VERY mixed feelings on how well I am going to do, so let's just hope that it is okay. In the future, I hope I become less sensitive and less concerned with how people view me. I want everybody to like me, and the most minor issues can ruin my day.
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Post by ericrousso on Apr 30, 2021 5:11:38 GMT
April 29th
Hi friends! Just took a nyquil, so we will see how this goes. Basically, I woke up today feeling more sick than yesterday (but to a negative COVID test, thankful), this time with common cold-like symptoms. Basically just a runny nose, cough, headache. Because of this, I, unfortunately, had to cancel a few of the plans I had today. That highlighted a worry I have about the pledging process; I feel like I am struggling to maintain the appropriate academic/social life balance. I have never really had an issue with this before, so dealing with it now is kind of overwhelming. However, I feel I will be less stressed about this problem once I recover from my sickness. Anyways, today I got up at 9am so I would have time to go to Rite Aid and buy dayquil/nyquil and shower before my LS7A lecture. After the lecture, I rested up a bit more before I had to hop on an interview with Ranhita. The interview was very chill, and she told me about her time in Cabo. After the interview, I watched a philosophy lecture and learned more about the distribution of moral property (so interesting, right!?). After this, I ordered Mendocino Farms for dinner and attended MemEd. In MemEd, we learned more about the different professional dress, and learned about elevator proposals. After MemEd, I went and got ice cream which was much needed. I have since returned to my apartment, and am about to head to bed. I hope I am feeling better tomorrow, and I am looking forward to the weekend.
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Post by nathanklassen on Apr 30, 2021 5:34:10 GMT
4/29: Hello all, I cannot determine whether or not today could be considered a good or bad day, I believe it lies somewhere in the middle. Still shaking off those feelings of lethargy, I made a point to go on a 3-mile walk and hike up a nearby hill. This opportunity to go outside and relax with some music was very beneficial to help me recenter my focus and give myself a break. I also tried to combine a leisurely activity with being productive, and I did this by watching The Circle and drafting emails to set up interviews with actives. I am a bit nervous about the quota for this week, as I have already sent out 7 emails and have only scheduled a few interviews. It is midterms weeks, so I can understand how interview in pledges is not an active member’s top priority. Our pledge class was reminded that we still have to earn our stripes in hopes of crossing, especially regarding emails, but it has become a bit tiring trying to incorporate “fun facts” and genuine excitement to meet new people and balancing that with professional etiquette. At some point, I feel like I am bound to fail and with the professional event approaching and the interview quota going to rise, it does not bode well. That is one aspect I have found the most difficult about this pledging process, accomplishing tasks, just to get a new task the following day. As I mentioned, this fuels my anxiety as I have kept up with all of these requirements so far, but I know I cannot be perfect (not saying my conduct up to this point has been perfect). I still have a midterm essay to write for one of my political science classes, and I am still attempting how to go about crafting the paper. I have until 5 PM tomorrow so I may attempt to save it for tomorrow afternoon, as I am already a bit drowsy tonight. Best wishes– Nathan
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Post by emmyshaw on Apr 30, 2021 6:49:36 GMT
4/29
Another day of pretty similar things. I woke up a bit later today as was up really late last night again. I woke up at 10:30 am and then interviewed Ranhita at 11 am which was super fun (especially because I got to 'meet' her dog Scooter). At 12 I suppose I made brunch which was nice too! I had some sun-butter and banana on toast and a coffee. I think I then worked for a few hours on my coding homework and then went to the office hours meeting which was fine (and if anything made me more motivated in the pledge process). Then, I wrote some emails and then actually went onto campus for a short while with my roommate and continued to do some more coding. Although, actually a really funny instance occurred. About 3 months ago this group of guys approached me and my friends to be in their 'skit' with them. I never saw the skit because I blocked one of the friends whoops but low and behold there they were again today asking the same questions. They didn't recognize us but I told them I had met them before and it was awkward because I technically had one of the friends blocked. I am always scared to go on campus because a) I seem to manifest weird people b) I recognize 10 million every time (which I suppose is sometimes a good thing). Anyway, I then came back and ate a quick dinner and went to MemEd (which is always chill and enjoyable). Ever since then, I have been working on the stats work and I have just finished it! The rest of the night I'm going to be catching up on lectures. Fun!
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Post by alexisp on May 3, 2021 22:47:31 GMT
5/3
Today I feel like it will be my most packed day yet of this quarter which is both exciting but tiring at the same time. I finally recovered from what was a crazy weekend but I feel like almost at a 100% which is good in my opinion. I hate that my schedule is very crazy. It really does suck but the only looking thing I’m looking forward to at this point is the end. I just want this quarter to end. I can’t give up now though. Now when I have so much to finish and so much to do. Honestly there are a very few things going on right that truly help me keep going. Maybe after midterms this week I can breathe better but as of now. I can feel my asthma coming back to attack me soon. I think one thing I could say I’m proud of is not stressing too much and more so feeling frustrated. Back when I used to stress tremendously, I used to have panic attacks which do pop up every once in a while but I’ve learned to control them more now. So the fact I haven’t gotten one says a lot. I think once I do start to get them that it will be very scary and concerning for not only my mental health but physical as well. I haven’t been able to take care of my body well and it sucks to say that but I know it's the truth. I haven't been eating right or been going to the gym which sucks when the gym used to be my main distresser but it is what it is.
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Post by nathanklassen on May 4, 2021 3:24:00 GMT
Journal 05/03: Hello all, I am the least productive person if I get stressed. This stress snowballs into me feeling overwhelmed, and then I become paralyzed. When so much needs to get done, such as this week, I get too into my head about everything I need to accomplish. I feel immobilized because I try chipping away at all of my different tasks only to see that I have accomplished 2 assignments, which is better than nothing, but I realize that my to-do list is much longer, and more tasks get added every day. This has been magnified by the pledge process. I am so lucky that my schoolwork is not that rigorous this quarter as I would feasibly not be able to manage everything. This does not help as the weather is heating up where I live, and the lack of insulation in my study shack makes it unbearable and I become fatigued easily. This causes even more tension as I want to take things a bit slower as I am tired, but then have no room to breathe as I have new tasks every day, let alone a week. I want to believe that the source of my stress comes from the professional event this Wednesday, which is very valid as I do have a lot to do for that as well as have a lot to lose if it does not go successfully. The problem is, I wrote down everything that still needs to be done in my calendar for this new month of May, and it only gets worse as the end of the pledge quarter is slowly approaching. The weekly quizzes are becoming tougher with more to memorize which is already a difficult task, but given that I am constantly thinking about other commitments, studying becomes very tough. The rising interview quota also does not bode well for me as I have been struggling to reach 7. I am grateful for how many resources we are offered to ease our burden, but sometimes I feel like I am too far gone to even ask or deserve help. The problem with this rant is that now I feel guilty for feeling this way as I probably could have handled my priorities better to set myself up for success. At least I can cross off “do my daily journal” from my to-do list. If this journal entry makes no sense, I will not be surprised as, if you could not tell already, my brain is a bit scattered and all over the place.
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Post by vidyapatel on May 4, 2021 3:32:10 GMT
May 3: Today was a rainy Monday and the side effects from my second dose made me feel quite fatigued for the entirety of the day. I went into the law firm for the first time in a while and it felt good to be back. He had a lot of tasks for me and getting them all done was very fulfilling. The drive home was really emotional and I really wish it was not that way. It was the first time I had driven alone since everything happened and I guess a mix of driving past my high school and listening to music for the first time in weeks was a recipe for tears. When I got home it was time for my Seminar and today my group selected our topic for the rest of the quarter. We picked health outcomes for children in juvenile detention and I am looking forward to researching and pitching our funding proposal. Then, I studied for a few hours for my midterm and had a wonderful interview with Taylor. After that, I sent some emails and worked on Mock Trial. Towards the end of the day, I was quite sad and probably feeling overwhelmed with the day I have tomorrow and just broke down to my Mom a bit about how the past few weeks have been quite unfair. However, the Mock trial meeting was a great end to the day, and tomorrow I need to be on my A-game. So I hope a night’s rest serves me well. What I accomplished today: law firm, seminar, studied, emails, mock trial prep, and made a plan for the week What I hope to accomplish tomorrow: successfully complete my midterm, PA 70 readings and lecture, 4 successful interviews, write-ups, director meeting, study for pledge quiz, pledge meeting, work on mock trial, and draft emails for quota. Most of all I hope tomorrow is a bit brighter and I am able to feel more at ease once the day is done.
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Post by kylienakamoto on May 4, 2021 3:32:41 GMT
Daily Journal Monday 5/3/21
Today I had a very lazy day and didn’t really leave the apartment. For some reason, I woke up really tired. However, I couldn’t go back to sleep when I woke up because guess who was in my roommate's bed again: the SAME BOY. This is the 6th NIGHT IN A ROW he has spent the night and I am so uncomfortable every time. She still has never asked if it is okay with me and just does whatever she wants. I am at my tipping point, and if it happens again tonight I will confront her. I am not a confrontational person, but she is taking advantage of that part of me and I am not happy about it.
Besides that, I wasn’t super productive which I’m not happy about. I did a little mock trial work on my statements, but that required me to do a lot of reading of the other witness statements so I could find information I need. I also scheduled some interviews for the week.
Mock trial meeting was good, but it’s kind of overwhelming to hear that we need all our work done perfectly by Monday, as well as memorized. I still have a lot of work and revision to do in so little time. I’m just used to having way more time during high school. I also have a midterm due Thursday that I need to work on. I can’t wait for this week and next week to be over. Now I’m getting ice cream with my friends which I’m very happy about, but overall I just feel tired and stressed.
For the rest of the night I plan to work on my midterm paper and mock trial closing statement.
UPDATE: he is here again and will likely spend the night, so wish me luck for when I confront my roommate tomorrow.
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Post by ayacohen on May 4, 2021 3:48:24 GMT
Daily Journal 5/3 I am insanely stressed! Haha! No, it's fine. Everything is fine. Lol. It's cool. ... Okay, maybe things are not fine. It's currently still my midterms week, so I just completed a PS20 midterm I had. Surprisingly, I think it went well. But it was a two hour long midterm, and I felt so drained afterwards. I just wanted to fall asleep and ignore the rest of the world, but there is so much work to be done. I have to make sure that I start this philosophy essay that is due Thursday, and it is going to be DIFFICULT. None of the prompts make sense at ALL, and the TA is nowhere near helpful. It's 50% of my grade, and I feel so helpless. There is nothing I can do to make that paper good. Nothing. Yet, I will do my best. I'd rather write a paper that I'm proud of that the TA doesn't like, because at least I'll be happy with myself. You know, I actually really enjoy philosophy, too; but the philosophy of science course is literally linguistics. Why am I analyzing words in a science GE??? WHY? EXPLAIN THAT TO ME!!! Anyways, one good thing did happen today. My boyfriend and I scheduled a train trip to Santa Barbara for Friday! I have been trying to get him excited about committing to UCSB, because he's been super bummed about getting waitlisted from UCLA. I love my boyfriend, but he really doesn't express his feelings a lot. Seeing how upset he was about not getting into UCLA because of how straining that would be for our relationship was sweet, but I felt really awful. UCSB is such a wonderful school, and I don't mind the long distance if it's for him Anyywaaaayyysss, this is going to be a long. Long. LONG week. But I will prevail! I always do. Might have a lot of sleepless nights though.
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